The You I Thought You Were

You were an idea, a perception manifested, an opposite that I attracted, blindly I was drawn, by invisible wonder, misty love, and warm feelings, yeah, I remember, I was always feeling, surrendering to all that I wasn't, hoping to be complete, sightless to our challenges we would never defeat, I wanted you and me more than anything, but I realized to have you, I needed to be your everything, thankfully, I was just me, this loving woman loving an unloved man, fearlessly, I held your hand, forgave the unforgivable, to show you no conditions, and you doubted my decisions, I'm crying to purify your soul, but all that did, was remind you that you're cold, as I stepped back you moved forward, as I move forward , you stepped back, we'll be here forever responding like that, you held me so tight, I could not breathe, concerned, isn't love suppose to set you free, but we loved each other, I felt it, our truth lingered in our hearts, and sparkled in our eyes, the transferring of energy is how we unified, I loved you more each and every day, I loved you so much, it was sometimes hard to say, this imperfect soul became so perfect for me, this imperfect soul, lied to me, what you said you were, contradicted what you weren't, and I became confused, isn't love what you want, you were hot and cold, and you refused to claim warm, you were sweet and bitter, but you wouldn't say bittersweet, you, were falling in love with me, you surrendered in the dark, but conquered in the light, the light was dim, you didn't know who to fight, so, you fought me, not physically, but emotionally, your best ammunition was completed on me, because your mind said, I, was it's enemy, the pain I endured nearly destroyed me, and you, oblivious to the damage you caused, my departure made you pause, but you never ceased, your silence, held no peace, and the soul you once loved, you gave grief, agony was in my sleep, and the misery awoke me, while you were basking in the dark I began to see your light, there's something about your heart that isn't right, with all my love you're still alone, and you live in a heart that's covered in stone, you protected your heart, when it was time to give, you would rather destroy love, than to let it live, you borrowed my love, and returned it scorned, the love you gave to me, is the only love you have earned, a witness to what your happiness is made of, people being happy around you, but not with you, smiling, as y'all pretend to love, the truth is hard to believe, when self is all you think of, moving on, made everything so clear, coerced into loving the potential you, because the real you was trapped in fear.
By: Nai

You Can't Come In

He was the man of my dreams, a wish that came true, the flame in my night, broken wings that flew, My miracle… he meant everything to my soul, content without thee, joined, I was whole, he was every thought I never completed, I was every emotion he couldn’t express, we were being removed, to be introduced to a better self, what we felt was so much more than love, it was desire and obsession, we needed to conquer and control, Oh, how quickly we forgot, we were always free souls, our smiles faintly burned our hearts, a wounded me, cried myself apart, I was lost in a familiar place, trying to search for God’s grace, I was confused and certain all at the same time, I didn’t understand where we went wrong, but I was for sure he was mine, the trust I gave to you was more valuable than even I knew, and I forgave your transgressions, not out of stupidity but because I loved you, your recklessness made me appear foolish, but I’m no fool. Walking into his light, I thought things would become clear, but the force that sustained him was powered by fear, and I justified why fear was there, a black man and his struggles, a father that was never there, love must never had been all that good to you, so it must be my responsibility to introduce unconditional love to you, I was so wrong, just wanted to do right, I thought enduring someone else’s pain was noble in God’s sight, Loving him made me weak, with all this to say, I could not speak, I… lost me, I savored our good times, like the perfect flavor, obsessed over how it was, ignored what it is. Love’s not suppose to be like this, I left, but my heart stayed, my heart said give it one more try, but this time, try it his way, He had no way, following him, I lost my way, we wandered together to NO WHERE Land, smiling, we even held hands, he, was walking me to hell, and the light that once blinded me, was now a pit of heat, he showed no pain, but the fire drove me insane.. I walked away with pieces of myself, hoping this time I would feel and be complete by myself, the moment I left I was introduced to a wiser me, much happier, new purpose, more understanding of why things can’t be. Still a bit upset with self, because I still loved him, for reasons that are true, I started with love that’s how I should end, with the clarity that you can love all, but only the righteous can come in. I’m ready to cross his path, smiling from cheek to cheek, I’d doubt if I’d ever see him, only the strong gets my attention, I don’t see the weak.

Many Blessings & Peace to You All!
~Nai